The Sneaky Squirrel

A Comic Opera in Three Acts

ACT I — THE FALL OF THE HOME

O peaceful house, once calm and still,
Now whispers creep against my will.
What unseen thief slips through the seams,
Turning my walls and stealing my dreams?

ARIA I — THE CHEWING

They gnaw through cracks too small to see,
Through wood and beam relentlessly.
They chew the wires, expose the flame,
A single spark could end my name.

They bite the veins that power light,
Invite the fire, provoke the night.

They pierce the pipes, the water cries,
Slow ruin spreads before my eyes.

CHORUS

Scratch, scratch, scratch behind the wall!
they rule the roof, the beam, the hall!
Outrun the traps, outsmart the snares—
I catch but none, through traps they tare

ARIA II — “INSULATION LAMENT”

They claim the warmth I worked to hold,
In nests of pink, of white, of gold.
My heat escapes, my bills ascend,
Their comfort steals my winter’s end.

Where silence lived, now chaos hums,
My attic’s lost, their kingdom comes.

ACT II — THE SQUIRREL WAR

They stash their spoils where none can see,
In walls and voids, in secrecy!

Grain and seed in hidden piles—
They march to raid in single file

From attic beam to pantry shelf,
I cannot win this fight myself

ARIA III — “WHY I CANNOT WIN”

Too fast, too sharp, they learn each trick,
Each failed attempt makes them more slick.
They breed with speed I can’t outrun,
I stop one raid—ten more begun.

O clever foe with tail held high,
You laugh above as hope runs dry.

ACT III — THE HERO ENTERS

When traps fall short and patience bends,
The silent killer now descends.

ARIA IV — “THE SQUIRREL MASTERS”

We trace the paths you’ll never find,
Read claw and pattern, sign by sign.
Stealth and science, calm, precise,
We end the game—we don’t roll dice.

From Kentucky hills to Tennessee,
No attic war has conquered we.
Impeccable in every way,
A flawless record still today.

CHORUS — “VICTORY IN THE HOME”
No fire, no leaks, no hidden nest!
The house restored, at peace, at rest!
The scratching fades, the night is still—
The walls obey owner’s will!

FINAL ARIA — “CALL THE HERO”

When walls conspire against your sleep,
When secrets scratch and dangers creep,
Remember hope is not so far—
One trusted call restores it all.

1-877-999-2849!
Guard your home! Restore control!
Four Seasons saves the heart and soul!

FINALE: ORCHESTRA & FULL COMPANY

CURTAIN.